Choice dating finding god in way
Life doesn’t come with convenient signposts letting us know which is the path to happiness and which is the path to misery, so we’re stuck taking blind gambles. And we frequently end up with regrets that we carry to our graves.
Sometimes we have chances to change mistaken choices we’ve made. But all along the way, we’re guessing and hoping, no matter how much thinking and reasoning we bring to bear on our choices.
She was very much in love with me, and she wanted to marry me. All that was left was breaking the news to the other woman — who had been hoping all along that I’d end up with her.
By early July, I had decided that was what I was going to do. On Saturday, July 5, 2008, I arranged to meet the second woman at a restaurant to talk, so I could break the news.
Although the specifics of her story are very different from what happened to me, the feelings she described were enough to remind me of where I was four years ago this month. She has two men who want to marry her, but she can’t decide what to do.
She’s dated both of them, but the relationships have been very different. She saw things in him that she knew needed work — for both of them. There aren’t the highs and lows, but there also isn’t the magical connection.
Eventually, she realized that I was never going to love her and she realized that I was always going to love the other woman, so my back-up plan walked out of my life later that year. But I lost them both — simply because I wasn’t willing to make the tough choice that I had to make.
When I talked with Ashley Saturday, I gave her two pieces of advice. If you’re sure you love one of them, choose him over the other one, even if the other choice is more stable and seems like more of a “sure thing.” There’s a reason that most of our songs in life are about intense love, lost love and being desperate for real emotional connection.
The first guy is about to move to the other side of the country.
With one guy, she feels the magical connection that most of us want to feel and that a few of us have felt in a very real way. What’s more, she feels that he needs her far more than she needs him.
He’s apparently a great guy who will be a good father and husband — and he’s more financially stable — but the things she likes about him are mostly in her head, not her heart.
I eventually started seeing her regularly, but there was never any real feeling or connection there, despite the fact that I tried to force it.
I couldn’t commit to her, because she was a convenient, pragmatic back-up plan, not a woman I loved. The other one could have been a good and stable wife, even if I could have never had the connection I had with the first.
Then we moved to the parking lot of a nearby convenience store. I told the woman I loved that I couldn’t marry her. I just couldn’t get the emotional courage to make the definite choice.